Chapter 21.
AN: fuk u ok! u fokng suk. itz nut ma fult if itz speld rong ok koz dat bich ravern cuz it fok u prepz!1 woopz soz raven fangz 4 da help. btw transilvana rox hrad!1 I even gut 2 go 2 da kasel wer drkola was flimed!
K: I did a little research. Apparently Most Dracula films are not filmed in Transylvania. I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt and assuming she means the 1931 Universal one-- a Classic I might add, though it was filmed on the Universal Lot like most movies of its time.
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Later we all went in the skull. Draco was crying in da common room. “Draco are u okay?” I asked in a gothic voice.
L: Ooo, spooky.
“No I’m not u fuking bitch!” he shouted angrily. He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way. I stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide.
K: Way to go. Lover boy’s gonna off himself, and you’re just going to cry.
“Its ok Enoby.” said Vampire comfortly. “Ill make him feel better.”
“U mean you’ll go fuck him wont you!” I shouted angrily. Then I ran 2 get Draco. Vampire came too.
K: Hey, if it keeps him from killing himself.
“Draco please come!” he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pail face. I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a homophone den fuk of!)
K: *Snigger* Homophones.
L: Ring ring ring, ring ring ring, homophone!
And then………………………….. we herd sum footsteps! Vampire got out his blak invincibility coke. We both gut under it. We saw the janitor Mr. Norris there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand.
K: That must be some strong coke, if it makes you invisible. Hate to see what Wizard Acid is like.
“WHOSE THERE!” he shouted angrily. We saw Filth come. He went unda da invisibility cloke and started to meow loudly.
K: Oh, poor, poor, confused girl. She swapped the characters.
“IS ANY1 THERE!” yelled Mr. Norris.
“No fuck u you preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich!” Vampire said under his breast in a disgusted way.
K: I’m trying to imagine this, and it’s quite silly.
L: That whole scene is quite silly. The cat is talking.
“EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!” yelled Mr. Norris. Den he heard Filch meow. “Filth is der any1 unda da cloak!” he asked. Filth nodded. And then……………………….Vampir frenched me! He did it jus as…………………….. Mr. Norris was taking of da cloak!1
K: HOLY SHIT SON. THE CAT CAN TOTALLY UNDERSTAND HIM.
L: SEE WHAT I MEAN?!
K: WHOA. MY MIND IS BLOWN. BLOWN, I TELLS YA.
“WHAT DA-” he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining away frum him. And den we saw Draco crying n bustin in2 tearz and slitting his rists outside of da school.
K: Then he caught up with us, saw Draco, and sent him to St. Mungo’s for a little psychiatric care.
L: They’re coming to take me away, ha ha!
“Draco!” I cried. “R u okay?”
“I guess though.” Draco weeped. We went back to our coffins frenching each other. Draco and I decided to watch Lake Placid (c isnt da deprezzin) on the gothic red bed together. As I wuz about 2 put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. There was a knok on the door and Fug and da Mystery of Magic walked into the school!1
K: Oh noes! Her magical Sue powers allow her to see the future!
And could you find some other way to describe you guys shoving each other’s tongues down your throats? Frenching just sounds so…juvenile.
L: LOLOLOL. What a whore.
WHAT WAIT WHOA. THE MYSTERY OF MAGIC CAME IN?
CAN HE TELL ME THE SECRET TO ALL OF MY FAVORITE TRICKS?
Christ.
K: And we all say…
Oh! Well, I never! Was there ever a cat so clever as MAGICAL MISTER MISTOFFOLEES~!
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