AN: I sed stup fflaming I no his nam iznt tom bodil dat wuz a mistak!1111 if u dnot lik de story den u kan go skrew urself!11111 U SUK!111111
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“Hi.” I said flirtily. “Im Enoby Way da new student.” I shok my pale handz wif their blak noil polish wif him.
“Da name’s Tom.” he said. “But u kan call me Satan. Datz ma middle nam”
K: It’s actually ‘Stan’. The Doctor screwed up on his birth certificate.
A: ...Tom Satan Bombadil. Alias Voldemort. WAT.
G: What the fuck is she gonna do with Silk Polish?
We shok hands. “Well come on we have 2 go upstairs.” Satan said. I followed him. “Hey Satan……..do u happen to be a fan of Gren Day?” (sinz mcr and evinezenz dont exist yet den) I asked.
K: Green Day wasn’t around back then either, hon. Nice try.
“Oh my fuking god, how did u know?” Satan gasped. “actually I like gc a lot too.”(geddit coz gc did that song I just wanna live that’s ounded really 80s)
“omg me too!” I replied happily.
K: THEY WEREN’T AROUND EITHER!
A: AND GOOD CHARLOTTE IS NOT GOTH. Neither is Green Day, MCR or Evanescence.
G: WHY ARE YOU TWO TRYING TO USE LOGIC WITH THIS.
A: BECAUSE I HAVE NOT LEARNED MY LESSON.
“guess what they have a concert in hogsment.” satan whispered.
“hogsment?” I asked.
“yeah that’s what they used to call it in these time before it became Hogsmeade in 2000.” he told me all sekrtivly. “and theres a really cool shop called Hot-“
K: Highly doubt that.
‘topic!” I finshed, happy again.
He froned confusedly. “noo its called Hot Ishoo.” He smiled skrtvli again. “then in 1998 dey changd it to hot topic.” he moaned.
K: …How does he know this?
A: ...Skrtvli?
“ohh.” now everything was making sense for me. “so is dumblydor your princepill?” I shouted.
A: PRINCE PILLS HERE.
“uh-huh.” he looked at his black nails. “im in slitherin’”
“OMfG SHME TOO!” I SHRIEDKED.
K: SHMEE! SHMEE! …Wait, it was ‘Smee’, wasn’t it. D:
“u go to this skull?”(geddit cos im goffik) he asked.
K: “No, I go to the Femur.”
A: And I go to the Phalanges.
G: But we must go to the Maxilla!
“yah that’s why im here im NEW.” I SMELLED HAPPili.
K: Mmm, that New Student Smell.
…Last I checked, Happy didn’t smell that way.
G: They just need to use some soap.
Suddenly dumblydore flew in on his broomstuck and started shredding at us angrily. “NO TALKING IN THE HALLS!” he had short blonde hair and was wearing a polo shirt from Amrikan ogle outfters. “STUPID GOFFS!”
K: …Whoa bro. Dumbledore does Speed Metal? Brootal.
A: ...Let me try to process this. Dumbledore. Dressed like a preppy white boy.
satan rolled his eyes. “his so mean to us goffs and punks just becose we’re in slytherine and we’re not preps.”
I turned around angrily. “actually I fink mebe its becos ur da barke lord.”
K: No, it’s because He’s a Blood Mage, and you’re an Abomination. As such, I evoke the Right of Annulment on Hogwarts, the Templars will arrive from Denerim shortly to dispose of you. May the Maker have Mercy on you.
PS- Barkspawn > Bark Lord
A: Woof.
“wtf?” he asked angrily.
“oh nuffin.” I said sweetly.
then suddenlyn………………. the floor opened. “OMFG NO I SCEAMED AS I FEEL DOWN. everyone looked At ME weirdly.”
K: Oh noes, she feels down, poor baby.
G: Wow, we didn’t fall down sexily for once.
“hey where r u goin?” satan asked as I fell.
K: Yes, because THAT’S the first thing I’d ask seeing someone fall down a hole.
I got out of the hole n it was bak in the pensive in professor trevolry’s classroom. dumblydum wuz dere. “dumblydore I think I just met u.” I said.
“oh yeah I rememba that.” dumblydor said, trying to be all goffik.
K: Yes, that was during my Speed Metal phase…it was Brutepically Metal.
sinister came in. “hey dis is my classroom wait wtf enoby what da hell r u doing?”
:”um.” I looked at her.
“oh yeaH I forgot bout that.”
K: Smoooooth.
“wth how?” I screamed forgetting she was a teacher for a second. but shes a goff so its ok.
professor sinster looked sad. “um I was drinking voldemortserum.” she started to cry black tears of depression. dumblydum didn’t know about them.
K: While branching out with his own beverage is good, I think he needs a better advertising group.
G: LOL
A: Tears of depression? Redundant tears are redundant.
“hey r u crying tears of blood?” he asked curiously, tuching a tear.
“fuck off!” we both said and dumblydum took his hand away.
K: Okay, I’m stating think she’s making fun of Dumbledore’s name on purpose. Dumblydum. -Snort-
professor sinster started crying again in her chair, sobbing limpid tears. “omfg enoby…I think im addicted to Voldemortserum.”
K: Disregard what I said earlier. Who needs advertising when you put crack in it?
A: ...Yeeeah. They gotta get those weird colored tears checked. That cannot be healthy.
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