Yes, I know, my affair with the World Cup should not interfere with the review, but I have no goo idea to name the chapter. Both are equally annoying though.
Chapter 34.
AN: SHOT DA FOK UP PREPZ!1111 hav u even red de story!11 u r proly al just prepz nd posrs so FUK U!111 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1
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I wook up in da coffin de next day. Draco waz gone. I got up and put on a blak tight sexah drsss that was all ripped at da end. There wuz red korset stuff going up da fornt and da bak and it came up 2 my knees. There wuz a slit in da dress lik in mr & mr simth. I pot on ripped blak fishnets and blak stilton bo-ots. Suddenly…………………. Sorious cocked on da door. I hopened it.
K: Dude, quit slapping your dick on the door. Maker knows what’s touched it!
…The door, not your dick.
A: ...Maybe he's having a wank?
G: There’s the fucking fishnets again.
“Hi Ibony.” he said. “Gezz wut u have 2 cum 2 Profesor Sinistor’s office.”
K: 2 cum 2 sounds like an Early 90’s Gay Rap group.
G: All this story has is shooting, pedos, dicks, and cum… also fishnets and black.
K: Thank you, Captain Obvious.
“Ok.” I said in a deprezzd voice. I had wanted to fuk Draco or maybe lessen to MCR or Evonezcence. I came anyway.
“So what the fuck happened 2 Snipe and Loopin?” I asked Sorious flirtily.
K: Andraste’s knickerweasels…other than the suspected Pedophiles, is there anyone else you don’t want to fuck?!
A: Enoby, Enoby, Enoby. What a strange creature you are. Constantly horny and constantly depressed. KILL YOURSELF.
G: Soriously Guyz.
“I fucking tortured them.” he answered in a statistic way. “They r in Abkhazian now, lol.”
K: 99.9% of readers have lost brain cells on this piece of shit. 2% of that lost them after reading that line.
A: 2% of HUURRRR DUUUUR DUR DUH DURRR
I laughed evilly.
“Where r Draco and Vampira?” I muttered.
K: I suppose if he stopped eating and wore a really tight corset he could pull of Vampira…then there’s a good wig and make-up…
“Dey are xcused form skool 2day.” Sodomize moaned sexily. “Rite now they are watching Da Nigtmare b4 Xmas.”
K: Ladies and gentlemen, another Freudian Slip.
A: ....Sodomize. Wait. The Nightmare Before Christmas? YOU WANKERS.
We went into da office. Proffesor Sinister was there. She was wearing a goffik blak dress that was all ripped all over it kinda lik da one Amy Lee wears in this pic
( http/ She wuz drinking some Volximortserum.
K: WHAT DOES IT LOOK LIKE!?!? MY LIFE WILL NOT BE COMPLETE UNTIL I KNOW!
A: THE SUSPENSE IS KILLING ME!
G: WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON.
She took out da Pensiv and the time-torner.
“Enoby, you will have to do anozzer session now. Also I need u to get me da cure 4 being adikited.” she said sadly. “Good luck. Fangz!”
K: Why don’t you just check into Wizard Rehab and get some Magic Methadone or something?
A: ...-facepalm- ADDICTION DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY.
And then……….I jumped into the Prinsive again. Suddenly I looked around……………I was in da Grate Hall eating Count Chorcula. It was mourning. I was sitting next to Satan. On a table was a tall gottik man wif long blak hair, pail skin and blue eyes wering a suit and blak Cronvrese shoes. He looked just like Charlyn Manson. I noticed……he was drinking a portent.
K: A very strong portent indeed. And who wears Converses with a suit? I can it being with jeans, a blazer, and some funky tee, but not a suit.
A: ...Let us have a moment of silence for the roughly two thousand brain cells of mine that just committed suicide. Also. COUNT CHOCULA. Also, imagine for a moment what would happen if Charles Manson and Marilyn Manson combined their DNA.
No refunds on those sleepless nights you will never get back.
“Whose he!11” I asked.
“Oh, datz Profesor Slutborn.” Satan said. “He’s da Portents teacher…………..Ebony?”
K: Gimme a second. BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!! Slutborn! Maker’s Breath, if it wasn’t for the fact she sucks at spelling, I would think she was being ironic!
A: ...Let us now have a moment of silence for Anima, who appears to have died of acute laughter.
“Yah?” I asked.
“Did u know dat Marylin Mason is playing in Hogsemade tonight? And they r showing The Exercise at da movies b4 dat.”
K: RICHARD SIMMONS?!?! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
PS- Marylin Manson wasn’t around during Riddle’s time as well. Obviously talked about in earlier chapters but, Time/Setting Fail. It’s like if I went “OH HAI Alistair,you magnificent royal bastard you, you wanna go see Tenacious D? They’re like, totes playing a gig in Denerim, fer srs, lol.”
By the way, Kickapoo and Beelzeboss are excellent songs for slaying the Archdemon. ;D
“Yah?”
G: ENCHANTMENT!
A: Now lift your palm up to your face. 1 and 2 and 1 and 2 and 1 and 2.
“Well…...want 2 go 2 da contort and da movie wif me?”
K: Well, I don’t think I bend that way. .___.;;
A: I would, but I'd probably throw my back out.
1 comments:
Awesome! Man, I really have to get back to my version of this at some point. Or actually start that Text Adventure I was planning... Hmm.
Anyway, it's nice to see that you guys are sticking to this. I'm sure you know this already, but don't do too much in one big chunk. You may never recover.
Also: "They r in Abkhazian now, lol"
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