Chapter 23.
AN: dhut da fok up biches!1 ur jus jelos koz I gut 10000 reviowz!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help n telin me bout da boox gurlu rok letz go shopin 2getha!
K: BWWWWWWWWWWWHA? SHE’S NEVER READ THE BOOKS? ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME? I’VE LOST ALL FAITH IN HUMANITY.
G: Doesn’t she know it’s over 9000 bad “Reviowz”.
K: IT’S OVAR 9000!!
G: LIKE NO WAI! :O
L: I gathered that Raven told her about the books, thus, she went and read them. I could be wrong, of course. ._.
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The door opened and Proffesor Rumbridge and Cornelia Fudge stomped out angrily. Then Dumbledum and Rumbridge sawed us.
K: I’m still not sure if the slightly funny puns on Dumbledore are still intentional.
L: DUMBLIEDORE!
G: I want some rum and fudge now. :/
“MR. WAY WHAT THE BEEP ARE YOU DOING!” Rumbridge shouted angrily. Dumbledore blared at her.
“Oops she made a mistake!” he corrupted her. “She means hi everybody cum in!”
K: Hurr hurr. That’s what she said.
L: Hurr hurr. WAIT WHY IS HE CORUPPTING HER? And Dumblie blared hahah.
G: Great, more human cum dumpsters.
Well we all came in angrily. So did all the other students. I sat between Darkness and Draco and opposite B’loody Mary. Crab and Goyle started 2 make some morbid jokes. They both looked exactly like Ville Vollo. I eight some Count Chocula and drank som blood from a cup. Then I herd someone shooting angrily. I looked behind me it was………Vampire! He and Draco were shooting at eachother.
K: I’m still curious as to how Hogwarts procures blood for their vampiric students.
G: I bet they drain all the “Special Students” of blood.
L: Blood bank? ._______.
“Vampire, Draco WTF?” I asked.
K: IDK, my BFF Diabolo?
G: *Slaps*
K: *Jarate Chops*
G: I’ve been shown who is the boss!!!!
L: JIHAD! …..am I too late? D;
“You fucking bustard!” yelled Draco at Vampire. “I want to shit next to her!1”
K: Oh, the things people do to get themselves off.
G: 2 Vampires 1 Slut?
L: I cannot stop laughing. And being sick, I’m laughing really hard silently, causing Billy to stare at me in concern.
“No I do!” shouted.
K: Oh great, another weird fetishist.
G: So it’s now 3 Vampires 1 Horrible Fanfic.
L: No one said you didn’t want to….who…ever you might be. D:
“No she doesn’t fucking like u, you son of a bitch!” yelled Draco.
“No fuck you motherfucker she laves me not you!” shouted Vampire. And then……………… he jumped on Draco! (no not in dat way u perv) They started to fight and beat up each other.
K: Alright, when I read the ‘lave’ part, I couldn’t help but to think the ‘To Blave’ scene from The Princess Bride. I don’t know why.
G: All and Harry and Draco do is fuck and beat each other up.
K: So your average day in the land of Gor. Wait, wrong story.
L: Not much else to do there, apparently.
Dumbldore yelled at them but they didn’t stop. All of a sudden…… a terrible man with red eyes and no nose flew in on his broomstick. He had no nose and was wearing a gray robe. All the glass in the window he flew thru fell apart. Britney that fucking prep started to cry. Vampire and Draco stopped fighting….I shopped eating….Everyone gasped. Da room fell silent………………….Volzemort!
K: The only thing that could stop her from eating: Voldemort.
G: *Takes off glasses* My God.
L: Did he have a nose?
“Eboby…..Ebony…….” Darth Valer sed evilly in his raspy voice. “Thou havfe failed ur mission. Now I shall kill thou and I shall kill Vampire as well. If thou does not kill him before then I shall kill Draco too!”
K: HOLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLD UP!
Darth Valer? SERIOUSLY? Voldie’s a Sith Lord now? How did this happen?
Wayii, ni kovid kadala. D: /Mando'a [For you aruetii- "Oy gavalt, my head hurts. D:"]
G: Ebony, I’m your father?
K: Too easy.
L: Greg’s mom is easy. ALSO. The beginning of that paragraph reminded me of Muppet Treasure Island. “Jim Jim Jimmy Jim Jimmy Jim James Jim Jimmy Jim Jim.”
K: Oh man, you’re right!
“Plz don’t make me kill him plz!” I begged.
“No!” he laughed crudely. “Kill him, or I shall kill him anyway!” Then he flew away cackling.
K: Why don’t you just kill him yourself , it saves us the trouble of dealing with , well, y’know, HER.
G: Fuck you Voldemort for not killing her.
L: I thought he was gonna kill them! D:
I bust into tears. Draco and Vampire came to contort me. Suddenly my eyes rolled up so they looked all cool and gothic. I had a vision were I saw some lighting flash and then Voldremot coming to kill Draco while Draco slit his wrists in a depressed way.
K: Better idea: why doesn’t Voldie just convince Draco to go down the street?
G: So Draco kills himself cause Voldemort was coming to kill him? God, what a fucking pussy.
K: INDEED.
L: HE CAN’T KILL HIMSELF, HE’S A VAMPIRE, DUH. #duh
“No!” I screamed sexily. Suddenly I locked up and stopped having the vision.
L: That’s hot.
“Ebony Ebony aure you alright?” asked Draco in a worried voice.
“Yeah yeah.” I said sadly as I got up.
“Everyfing’s all right Enoby.” said Vampire all sensetive.
“No its not!” I shouted angrily. Tearz of blood went down my face. “OMFG what if I’m getting possessed like in Da Ring 2!”
K: OH NOES! WHAT IF!
She says everything’s okay, then flips out and says it isn’t. Hurm.
G: DAT RING.
K: DAT ASS. :B
L: POOTANG! #bandwagon
“Its ok gurl.” said B’loody Mary. “Maybe u should ask Proffesor Sinister about what the visions mean though.”
“Ok bich.” I said sadly and den we went.
K: I never got the whole calling your friends ‘bitch’ deal.
G: Me neither.
L: WILL THE GANG EVER GET TO PROFESSOR SINISTER? WILL VOLDIEPANTS MAKE A VOLDIEPANTS RETURN AND KILL THEM ALL? STAY TUNED!
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Friday, September 18, 2009
MI Review Chapter 22: The highest point, but not the lowest.
Chapter 22.
AN: stfu! prepz stup flaming ok if u dnot lik it fuk of I no itz mr. noris itz raven’s folt ok!11 u suk!1 no jus kidding raven u fokieng rok prepz suk!1
K: This whole ‘It’s her fault! Blame her! Just joking, love ya!’ thing is getting annoying.
L: This whole author’s note thing is getting annoying. Thus, why I stopped commenting on it. For the most part.
On another note, HALFWAY DONE! WOO!
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All day everyone talked about the Misery of Magic. Well anyway, I woke up the next day. I was in my coffin so I opened the door. I was wearing blak lacey leather pajamas. Then I gasped.
K: O, Woe to the magical kind, etc, etc.
L: Oh shit, I thought you just walked through the door. Damn.
O LOL. First, she was wearing pajamas. Then, she gasped!
Standing in front of me where………………. B;loody Mary, Vampire, Diabolo, Draco, Dracula and Willow!
I opened my crimson eyes. Willow was wearing a tight black leather top with pictures of bloody roses all over it. Under that she wart a black poofy skirt wit lace on it and black gothic boots that was attached to the top. Vampire was wearing a baggy Simple Plan t-shirt and baggy black pants and Vans. Draco was wearing a black MCR t-shirt and blak jeans and a leather jacket. He looked just likee Gerard Way, and almost as fucking sexy. Vampire looked like Joel Madden. B’loody Mary was wearing a tight black poofy gothic dress that she had ripped so it showed of all her clearage with a white apron that said ‘bich’ and other swear words and MCR lyrics on it kind of like one dress I had seen Amy Lee wear once. Darkness (who is Jenny) was there too. She was weaving a ripped gothic black dress with ripped stuff all over it and a lace-up top thing and black pointy boots. So were Crab and Goyle. It turns out that Darkness, Diabolo, Crab and Goyle’s dad was a vampire. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists with a razor. He had raped them and stuff before too. They all got so depressed that they became goffik and converted to Stanism.
K: Hmm… that sounded pretty much slapped together.
Also Goths don’t have to be depressed all the time. I’ve met a few who actually have a positive outlook on death. :D
L: Wut.
“OMFG” I yielded as I jumped up. “Why the fuck are u all here?”
K: We all decided it was high time for an Intervention.
L: O I LOL’D.
“Enoby something is really fucked up.” Draco said.
L: YOU MEAN BESIDES THIS FAN-FIC? WHY, WHATEVER COULD IT BE?
“OK but I need to put my fucking clothes on first.” I shouted angrily.
K: Let me just get my stickies.
“It’s all right. We have to go now and you look kawaii anyway. Your so fucking beautiful.” Draco said in a sexy voice.
“Oh all right.” I said smiling. “But you have to tell me why your being all erective.”
K: Hurr hurr.
L: Lulzasaurus.
“I will I will.” he said.
So I just put on some black eyeliner, black lipstick and red eyeshadow and white foundation. Then I came. We all went outside the Great Hal and looked in from a widow. A fucking prep called Britney from Griffindoor was standing next to us. She was wearing a pink mini and a Hilary Duff t-shirt so we put up our middle fingers at her. Inside the Great Hall we could see Dumbledork. Cornelia Fudged was there shouting at Dumbledore. Doris Rumbridge was there too.
K: I know I’m late to the party. 22 Chapters in and I’m asking about why the students suddenly disregard the dress code.
L: She’s so hot, she makes herself orgasm, apparently.
“THIS CANNOT BE!” she shouted angrily. “THE SCHOOL MUST BE CLOSED!”
“THE BARK LORD IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!” yelled Cornelia Fudge.
K: WOOF! WOOF!
“YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!” yelled Rumbridge. “YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMERS IS DANGEROUS! YOU MUST RETRY OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!”
K: Well duh. If he doesn’t retry, he leaves a window for assault.
L: Principal. Lol. FINE YOU CAN BE THE PRINCIPAL, “RUMBRIDGE”, BUT DUMBLEDORE CONTINUES TO BE HEADMASTER.
“Very well.” Dumbledore said angrily. “Butt we cannot do this. We can’t close the school. There is only one person who is capable of killing Voldemort and she is in the school. And her name is…………………………………………………………………..Enony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way.”
Draco, Crab, Goyle, Darkness, Willow, Vampire and B’loody Mary looked at each other………I gasped.
K: And with that, the Canon is officially raped.
Hey-ey-ey! A Dea ex Machina- Sue!
L: WHAT DID EBONY DO?……………………………............................................................................
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……….oh. Nevermind.
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
MI Review Chapter 21: Role Reversal
Chapter 21.
AN: fuk u ok! u fokng suk. itz nut ma fult if itz speld rong ok koz dat bich ravern cuz it fok u prepz!1 woopz soz raven fangz 4 da help. btw transilvana rox hrad!1 I even gut 2 go 2 da kasel wer drkola was flimed!
K: I did a little research. Apparently Most Dracula films are not filmed in Transylvania. I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt and assuming she means the 1931 Universal one-- a Classic I might add, though it was filmed on the Universal Lot like most movies of its time.
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Later we all went in the skull. Draco was crying in da common room. “Draco are u okay?” I asked in a gothic voice.
L: Ooo, spooky.
“No I’m not u fuking bitch!” he shouted angrily. He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way. I stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide.
K: Way to go. Lover boy’s gonna off himself, and you’re just going to cry.
“Its ok Enoby.” said Vampire comfortly. “Ill make him feel better.”
“U mean you’ll go fuck him wont you!” I shouted angrily. Then I ran 2 get Draco. Vampire came too.
K: Hey, if it keeps him from killing himself.
“Draco please come!” he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pail face. I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a homophone den fuk of!)
K: *Snigger* Homophones.
L: Ring ring ring, ring ring ring, homophone!
And then………………………….. we herd sum footsteps! Vampire got out his blak invincibility coke. We both gut under it. We saw the janitor Mr. Norris there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand.
K: That must be some strong coke, if it makes you invisible. Hate to see what Wizard Acid is like.
“WHOSE THERE!” he shouted angrily. We saw Filth come. He went unda da invisibility cloke and started to meow loudly.
K: Oh, poor, poor, confused girl. She swapped the characters.
“IS ANY1 THERE!” yelled Mr. Norris.
“No fuck u you preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich!” Vampire said under his breast in a disgusted way.
K: I’m trying to imagine this, and it’s quite silly.
L: That whole scene is quite silly. The cat is talking.
“EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!” yelled Mr. Norris. Den he heard Filch meow. “Filth is der any1 unda da cloak!” he asked. Filth nodded. And then……………………….Vampir frenched me! He did it jus as…………………….. Mr. Norris was taking of da cloak!1
K: HOLY SHIT SON. THE CAT CAN TOTALLY UNDERSTAND HIM.
L: SEE WHAT I MEAN?!
K: WHOA. MY MIND IS BLOWN. BLOWN, I TELLS YA.
“WHAT DA-” he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining away frum him. And den we saw Draco crying n bustin in2 tearz and slitting his rists outside of da school.
K: Then he caught up with us, saw Draco, and sent him to St. Mungo’s for a little psychiatric care.
L: They’re coming to take me away, ha ha!
“Draco!” I cried. “R u okay?”
“I guess though.” Draco weeped. We went back to our coffins frenching each other. Draco and I decided to watch Lake Placid (c isnt da deprezzin) on the gothic red bed together. As I wuz about 2 put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. There was a knok on the door and Fug and da Mystery of Magic walked into the school!1
K: Oh noes! Her magical Sue powers allow her to see the future!
And could you find some other way to describe you guys shoving each other’s tongues down your throats? Frenching just sounds so…juvenile.
L: LOLOLOL. What a whore.
WHAT WAIT WHOA. THE MYSTERY OF MAGIC CAME IN?
CAN HE TELL ME THE SECRET TO ALL OF MY FAVORITE TRICKS?
Christ.
K: And we all say…
Oh! Well, I never! Was there ever a cat so clever as MAGICAL MISTER MISTOFFOLEES~!
AN: fuk u ok! u fokng suk. itz nut ma fult if itz speld rong ok koz dat bich ravern cuz it fok u prepz!1 woopz soz raven fangz 4 da help. btw transilvana rox hrad!1 I even gut 2 go 2 da kasel wer drkola was flimed!
K: I did a little research. Apparently Most Dracula films are not filmed in Transylvania. I’m giving her the benefit of the doubt and assuming she means the 1931 Universal one-- a Classic I might add, though it was filmed on the Universal Lot like most movies of its time.
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Later we all went in the skull. Draco was crying in da common room. “Draco are u okay?” I asked in a gothic voice.
L: Ooo, spooky.
“No I’m not u fuking bitch!” he shouted angrily. He stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way. I stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide.
K: Way to go. Lover boy’s gonna off himself, and you’re just going to cry.
“Its ok Enoby.” said Vampire comfortly. “Ill make him feel better.”
“U mean you’ll go fuck him wont you!” I shouted angrily. Then I ran 2 get Draco. Vampire came too.
K: Hey, if it keeps him from killing himself.
“Draco please come!” he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pail face. I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a homophone den fuk of!)
K: *Snigger* Homophones.
L: Ring ring ring, ring ring ring, homophone!
And then………………………….. we herd sum footsteps! Vampire got out his blak invincibility coke. We both gut under it. We saw the janitor Mr. Norris there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand.
K: That must be some strong coke, if it makes you invisible. Hate to see what Wizard Acid is like.
“WHOSE THERE!” he shouted angrily. We saw Filth come. He went unda da invisibility cloke and started to meow loudly.
K: Oh, poor, poor, confused girl. She swapped the characters.
“IS ANY1 THERE!” yelled Mr. Norris.
“No fuck u you preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich!” Vampire said under his breast in a disgusted way.
K: I’m trying to imagine this, and it’s quite silly.
L: That whole scene is quite silly. The cat is talking.
“EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!” yelled Mr. Norris. Den he heard Filch meow. “Filth is der any1 unda da cloak!” he asked. Filth nodded. And then……………………….Vampir frenched me! He did it jus as…………………….. Mr. Norris was taking of da cloak!1
K: HOLY SHIT SON. THE CAT CAN TOTALLY UNDERSTAND HIM.
L: SEE WHAT I MEAN?!
K: WHOA. MY MIND IS BLOWN. BLOWN, I TELLS YA.
“WHAT DA-” he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining away frum him. And den we saw Draco crying n bustin in2 tearz and slitting his rists outside of da school.
K: Then he caught up with us, saw Draco, and sent him to St. Mungo’s for a little psychiatric care.
L: They’re coming to take me away, ha ha!
“Draco!” I cried. “R u okay?”
“I guess though.” Draco weeped. We went back to our coffins frenching each other. Draco and I decided to watch Lake Placid (c isnt da deprezzin) on the gothic red bed together. As I wuz about 2 put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. There was a knok on the door and Fug and da Mystery of Magic walked into the school!1
K: Oh noes! Her magical Sue powers allow her to see the future!
And could you find some other way to describe you guys shoving each other’s tongues down your throats? Frenching just sounds so…juvenile.
L: LOLOLOL. What a whore.
WHAT WAIT WHOA. THE MYSTERY OF MAGIC CAME IN?
CAN HE TELL ME THE SECRET TO ALL OF MY FAVORITE TRICKS?
Christ.
K: And we all say…
Oh! Well, I never! Was there ever a cat so clever as MAGICAL MISTER MISTOFFOLEES~!
Monday, September 14, 2009
MI Review Chapter 20: In Which There is Another Concert
Chapter 20.
AN: I sed I dnoty ker wut u fink! stof pflamin ok prepz!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1 oh yah btw ill be un vacation in transilvania 4 da nex 3 dayz so dnot expect updatz.
K: Three days? That seems a little short for a long-distance vacation.
L: The p in pflamin is silent, by the way.
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All day I wondered what the surprise was. Meanwhile, I pot on a blak ledder mini, a blak corset with urple lace stuff all over it, an black gothic compact boots. MCR were gong 2 do the concert again, since Volxemort had taken over the last one. I slit my wrists while I moshed 2 MCR in my bedroom all night, feeling excited. Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on sum black clothes and moshing to Fang u 4 da Venom. I gut all mad and turned it of, but sacredly I hopped inside dat it was Draco so we could do it again.
K: Sacredly hopping inside? That’s new one.
L: LOLOLOL YOU MOSHED BY YOURSELF? LOLOL.
“Wut de fucking hell r u doing!” I shouted angrily. It was Loopin! “R u gonna cum rape me or what.” I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Dumblydore had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Snap since he was a pedo.
K: Cum raping…WHAT?!
L: I think if they were really pedos, they wouldn’t be allowed to teach anymore…
“No, actshelly (geddit, hell) kan I plz burrow sum condemns.” he growld angrily.
K: Don’t you think he’d be better off asking Draco that? I’m surprised she didn’t say ‘geddit’ to the ‘condemns’. Oh wait, it was unintentional, ah making the irony even more sweeter.
“Yah, so u can fuk ur six-yr-old gurlfriend, huh?” I shouted sarkastikally.
K: No, so I can fuck YOUR boyfriend.
L: ^THIS^
“Fuker.” He said, gong away.
L: Well, that was really random…
Well anyway, I put on some black eyesharow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. Then I went. Den I gasped…………………………………………………………….Snake and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Dobby was watching!1
“Oh my god you ludacris idiot!” they both shooted angrily when they saw me. Dobby ran away crying. Dey got up, though. Normally I wood have ben turned on (I luv cing guyz do it) but both of them were fuking preps. (btw snake is movd 2 griffindoor now)
K: Am I the only female in the world that doesn’t like buttsex? Don’t get me wrong, I’m not homophobic. I believe that two men can love, I just rather not watch them share it. Then again, as an asexual, any form of intercourse weirds me out for some reason.
L: Snake? Where did he come in? .__.
K: SNAKE?! SNAKE?! SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE!!!
“WTF is that why u wanted condoms?” I asked sadistically. (c I speld dat)
K: No, I wanted to make balloon animals.
“Only you wouldn’t give them to me!” Lumpkin shouted angrily.
“Well you shoulda told me.” I replayed.
L: WELL, WHY THE HELL ELSE WOULD HE ASK FOR SOME? OTHER THAN TO MAKE BALLOON ANIMALS, OF COURSE.
“You dimwit!.” Snake began 2 shoot angrily. And then………I took out my black camera and took a pic of them. U could see that they were naked and everything.
K: And thus, she became a millionaire by selling the smut pictures to yaoi-starved fangirls.
“Well xcuse me!” they both shouted angrily. “What was dat al about?”
L: Sounds like “Well excuuuuuuuuuuuse me!” to me.
K: Well excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me, Princess!
“It wuz to blackmail u.” I snarked. “So now next time you see me doing it with my boyfriend you cant fuking rat me out or I’ll show dis to Dumbledork. So fuck off, u bastards!” I started to run. They chased me but I threw my wound at them and dey tripped over it. Well anyway, I went outside and there was Vampire, looking extremely fucking hot.
K: Curious, was the ‘Dumbledork’ intentional or not? I’m confused. And how does one trip over a wound?
“WTF where’d Draco?” I asked him.
“Oh he’s bein a fucking bastard. He told me he wouldn’t cum.” Vampire said shaking his hed. “U wanna cum with me? 2 the concert?”
K: *Bites fist* I’m more mature than this, not gonna laugh at the innuendo, not gonna laugh at the innu--AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
*Breathes deeply*
I’m good.
L: ………BAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAHAHAAAAAAAAHAHAHAAA.
A-hoo.
Then….. he showed me his flying car. I gasped. It was a black car. He said his dogfather Serious Blak had given it 2 him. The license plate on the front sed MCR666 on it. The one on da back said ‘ENOBY’ on it.
……….I gasped.
K: I’d gasp too if my name was spelled wrong.
L: LOL. IF ONLY SHE KNEW ABOUT HIS DOGFATHER. IF ONLY SHE KNEW.
K: If I didn't already know it was error on her spelling, I would think she was trying to be clever.
We flew to the concert hall. MCR were there, playing.
Vampire and I began 2 make out, moshing to the muzik. I gapsed, looking at da band.
I almost had an orgasim. Gerard was so fucking hot! He begin 2 sing ‘Helena’ and his sexah beautiful voice began 2 fill the hall. ……….And den, I heard some crrying. I turned and saw Draco, cryin in a corner.
K: What’s her fixation to that song, it’s like the only song that they play in concert in her world.
I don’t know how she heard Draco in a crowded venue, unless she’s kept some part of the canon vampire and has heightened hearing.
L: GO CRY, EMO KID!
Sunday, September 13, 2009
MI Review Chapter 19: POORBLOODS REPRESENT!
Before we begin, I would like to let you guys know that we are nearing the middle of the series. With any luck, we'll be introducing Greg in to mix finally, as he has agreed to hop in.
Also the upcoming chapters may be less frequent, Greg and I have started up classes again, and I'm unsure about my workload or his. Now that you know, let's get on with the chapter.
Chapter 19. im nut ok i promise
AN: plz stup flaming da story if u do ur a foken prep n ur jelous ok!11 frum noq un im gong 2 delt ur men reviowz!111 BTW evonyd a poorblod so der!1 fangz 2 raven 4m da help!11
K: Everyone’s a Poorblood? Huh? What? What is that, like a gang?
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All day we sat angerly finking about Dumbelldore. We were so fucking pissed off. Well, I had one thing to look forward too- da MCR concert. It had been postphoned, so we could all go.
K: I thought it was a ruse to get Ebony/Harry.
Anyway, I went to the common room sadly to cut classes. Draco was being all secretive.
K: And nobody noticed him cutting. Must be the secretive-ness.
I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying all hot and angsty (rnt sensitve bi guyz so hot).
K: No, they’re all wet, and clingy, and annoying—much like a wool sweater pulled from the dryer too early.
L: No, they usually just end up gay.
“No one fucking understands me!1” he shouted angrily as his black hare went in his big blue eyes like Billie Joe in Boulevard of Borken Dreamz. He was wearing black baggy paints, a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit insted of tie koz im goffik) I was wearing a blak leather low cut top with chains all over it all over it a blak leather mini, black high held boots and a cross belly fing. My hair was al up in a messy relly high bun like Amy Lee in Gong Under. (email me if u wana see da pik)
K: A CROSS BELLY RING? ON A VAMPIRE? OHOHOHOHOHOHO.
“Accuse me? What about me!” I growled.
K: You know Ebony, Enoby, whatever, it’s not all about you.
L: No one’s accusing you.
“Buy-but-but-” he grunted.
“You fucking bastard!” I moaned.
“No! Wait! It’s not what it fucking looks like!” he shouted.
L: That sounded like a rough sex session.
K: BOW-CHICKA-BOW-WOW.
But it was to late. I knew what I herd. I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Draco banged on the door. I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois (raven that is soo our video!). I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot.
K: They make marijuana cigarettes now?
L: I TYPE IN CAPITAL LETTERS THEN END ON A soft note.
Suddenly Hargrid came. He had appearated.
L: Not apparated, mind you. He appearated.
“You gave me a fucking shock!” I shouted angrily dropping my pot. “Wtf do you fink you’re doing in da gurl’s room?”
Only it wasn’t just Hargrid. Someone else was with him too! For a second I wanted it 2 b Tom Rid or maybe Draco but it was Dumblydore.
“Hey I need to ask you a question.” he said, pulling out his black wanabe-goffik purse. “What are u wearing to the concert?”
K: Dear God NO. If Dumbledore wants to get it on with Ebony, I will gouge my eyes out with a spork.
“U no who MCR r!” I gasped.
K: Well…let’s just say I may be the father of one of those lads…or was it grandfather? Oh I can’t remember!
“No I just saw there was a concert dat a lot of gothz and punx were going 2.” He said. “Anyway Draco has a surprise for u.”
K: Waaaaaait. My Chemical Romance is considered Punk? Nuh-uh. No way. Please tell me you’re joking.
L: I had to re-read that. Twice. D:
Also the upcoming chapters may be less frequent, Greg and I have started up classes again, and I'm unsure about my workload or his. Now that you know, let's get on with the chapter.
Chapter 19. im nut ok i promise
AN: plz stup flaming da story if u do ur a foken prep n ur jelous ok!11 frum noq un im gong 2 delt ur men reviowz!111 BTW evonyd a poorblod so der!1 fangz 2 raven 4m da help!11
K: Everyone’s a Poorblood? Huh? What? What is that, like a gang?
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All day we sat angerly finking about Dumbelldore. We were so fucking pissed off. Well, I had one thing to look forward too- da MCR concert. It had been postphoned, so we could all go.
K: I thought it was a ruse to get Ebony/Harry.
Anyway, I went to the common room sadly to cut classes. Draco was being all secretive.
K: And nobody noticed him cutting. Must be the secretive-ness.
I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying all hot and angsty (rnt sensitve bi guyz so hot).
K: No, they’re all wet, and clingy, and annoying—much like a wool sweater pulled from the dryer too early.
L: No, they usually just end up gay.
“No one fucking understands me!1” he shouted angrily as his black hare went in his big blue eyes like Billie Joe in Boulevard of Borken Dreamz. He was wearing black baggy paints, a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit insted of tie koz im goffik) I was wearing a blak leather low cut top with chains all over it all over it a blak leather mini, black high held boots and a cross belly fing. My hair was al up in a messy relly high bun like Amy Lee in Gong Under. (email me if u wana see da pik)
K: A CROSS BELLY RING? ON A VAMPIRE? OHOHOHOHOHOHO.
“Accuse me? What about me!” I growled.
K: You know Ebony, Enoby, whatever, it’s not all about you.
L: No one’s accusing you.
“Buy-but-but-” he grunted.
“You fucking bastard!” I moaned.
“No! Wait! It’s not what it fucking looks like!” he shouted.
L: That sounded like a rough sex session.
K: BOW-CHICKA-BOW-WOW.
But it was to late. I knew what I herd. I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Draco banged on the door. I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois (raven that is soo our video!). I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot.
K: They make marijuana cigarettes now?
L: I TYPE IN CAPITAL LETTERS THEN END ON A soft note.
Suddenly Hargrid came. He had appearated.
L: Not apparated, mind you. He appearated.
“You gave me a fucking shock!” I shouted angrily dropping my pot. “Wtf do you fink you’re doing in da gurl’s room?”
Only it wasn’t just Hargrid. Someone else was with him too! For a second I wanted it 2 b Tom Rid or maybe Draco but it was Dumblydore.
“Hey I need to ask you a question.” he said, pulling out his black wanabe-goffik purse. “What are u wearing to the concert?”
K: Dear God NO. If Dumbledore wants to get it on with Ebony, I will gouge my eyes out with a spork.
“U no who MCR r!” I gasped.
K: Well…let’s just say I may be the father of one of those lads…or was it grandfather? Oh I can’t remember!
“No I just saw there was a concert dat a lot of gothz and punx were going 2.” He said. “Anyway Draco has a surprise for u.”
K: Waaaaaait. My Chemical Romance is considered Punk? Nuh-uh. No way. Please tell me you’re joking.
L: I had to re-read that. Twice. D:
Sunday, August 23, 2009
MI Review Chapter 18: How the Great Have Fallen.
Chapter 18.
AN: I SED STUP FLAMMING! if u do den ur a fuken prep! fangz 2 raven 4 da help n stuf. u rok! n ur nut a prep. fangz for muh sewter! ps da oder eson dumbeldor swor is koz he trin 2 be gofik so der!
K: Oh, wow, thanks for clearing that up for me. It makes so much sense now.
L: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT NONE OF THAT MADE SENSE. D:
K: Really? Maybe I’m starting to understand “Goffik”. D:
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I woke up the next day in my coffin. I walked out of it and put on some black eyeliner, black eyesharrow, blood-bed lipstick and a black really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly. I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it.
K: Is there any article of clothing that you own that is NOT ripped?
L: Is there any reason you think people care what you’re wearing?
(Da night before Draco and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth). Dumbeldore chased Vlodemort away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was black and the broom-stuff was blood-red. There was lace all over it. Draco had a black MCR boom. We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what to a Linkin Park song.)
K: Broom stuff? Sex to Linkin Park? This sounds highly unromantic. D:
L: One song? Poor Draco. Can’t last more than a few minutes.
Well anyway I went down to the Grate Hall. There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant. And there were pastors of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys.
K: Last time I checked, there were no posters in the Great Hall, nor was it pink. It was fairly gothic in structure. At any rate, you can’t see SHIT once you paint something black. Believe me, I’ve done it.
L: I’m really, really hoping there is a point to that paragraph.
“WTF!” I shouted going to sit next to B’loody Mary and Willow. B’loody Mary was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Chraloote t-shirt, black fishnets and black pointy boots. Willow was wearing a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs and black boots and fishnets. Vampire, Dracula and Draco came. We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong. The boys joined in cause they were bi.
K: Coming up to your thigh is considered long now?
L: Of COURSE there was no point! *headdesk*
B: njffgaer93]]]]]39rhjwO FBSA 32rtf’’g’[
L: Agreed.
“Those guys are so fucking hot.” Navel was saying as suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard and everything came. He was the same one who had chassed away Vlodemort yesterday. He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation and he had died his hare black.
K: I dare to read that first sentence WITHOUT giggling. You raff, you roose.
“……………….DUMBLEDORE?1!” we all gasped.
K: Oh no, not DUMBLEDORE! He can’t be Goffik!
L: No words.
“WTF?” I shouted angrily. “I thought he was just wearing that to scare Volsemort!”
“Hello everyone.” he said happily. “As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?”
K: KILL YOURSELF DUMBLEDORE. I HAVE LOST ALL RESPECT FOR YOU. I LIKED THE DRUNK VERSION BETTER.
L: Why is goffik Dumbleydore so happy?
K: Maybe it’s his PPP incarnation?
Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor started to cheer. Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. We couldn’t believe what a poser he was!1.
K: LIKE OMG, WE WERE SOOO GOTH BEFORE THEM. D:<
“BTW you can call me Albert.” HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes.
L: JUST IN CASE YOU WERE NOT AWARE HOW HE INFORMED THEM. IN CASE YOU MISSED IT.
“What a fucking poser!” Draco shouted angrily as we we to Transfomation. We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard) but I didn’t say anything. “I bet he’s havin a mid-life crisis!” Willow shouted.
K: Mid-life Crisis? Isn’t he like a fuck billion years old?
I was so fucking angry.
K: YOU AND ME BOTH, SISTAH, YOU AND ME BOTH.
L: If it’s a midlife crisis, it came about 100 years too late.
AN: I SED STUP FLAMMING! if u do den ur a fuken prep! fangz 2 raven 4 da help n stuf. u rok! n ur nut a prep. fangz for muh sewter! ps da oder eson dumbeldor swor is koz he trin 2 be gofik so der!
K: Oh, wow, thanks for clearing that up for me. It makes so much sense now.
L: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT NONE OF THAT MADE SENSE. D:
K: Really? Maybe I’m starting to understand “Goffik”. D:
XXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
I woke up the next day in my coffin. I walked out of it and put on some black eyeliner, black eyesharrow, blood-bed lipstick and a black really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly. I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it.
K: Is there any article of clothing that you own that is NOT ripped?
L: Is there any reason you think people care what you’re wearing?
(Da night before Draco and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth). Dumbeldore chased Vlodemort away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was black and the broom-stuff was blood-red. There was lace all over it. Draco had a black MCR boom. We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what to a Linkin Park song.)
K: Broom stuff? Sex to Linkin Park? This sounds highly unromantic. D:
L: One song? Poor Draco. Can’t last more than a few minutes.
Well anyway I went down to the Grate Hall. There all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant. And there were pastors of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys.
K: Last time I checked, there were no posters in the Great Hall, nor was it pink. It was fairly gothic in structure. At any rate, you can’t see SHIT once you paint something black. Believe me, I’ve done it.
L: I’m really, really hoping there is a point to that paragraph.
“WTF!” I shouted going to sit next to B’loody Mary and Willow. B’loody Mary was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Chraloote t-shirt, black fishnets and black pointy boots. Willow was wearing a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs and black boots and fishnets. Vampire, Dracula and Draco came. We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong. The boys joined in cause they were bi.
K: Coming up to your thigh is considered long now?
L: Of COURSE there was no point! *headdesk*
B: njffgaer93]]]]]39rhjwO FBSA 32rtf’’g’[
L: Agreed.
“Those guys are so fucking hot.” Navel was saying as suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard and everything came. He was the same one who had chassed away Vlodemort yesterday. He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation and he had died his hare black.
K: I dare to read that first sentence WITHOUT giggling. You raff, you roose.
“……………….DUMBLEDORE?1!” we all gasped.
K: Oh no, not DUMBLEDORE! He can’t be Goffik!
L: No words.
“WTF?” I shouted angrily. “I thought he was just wearing that to scare Volsemort!”
“Hello everyone.” he said happily. “As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?”
K: KILL YOURSELF DUMBLEDORE. I HAVE LOST ALL RESPECT FOR YOU. I LIKED THE DRUNK VERSION BETTER.
L: Why is goffik Dumbleydore so happy?
K: Maybe it’s his PPP incarnation?
Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor started to cheer. Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. We couldn’t believe what a poser he was!1.
K: LIKE OMG, WE WERE SOOO GOTH BEFORE THEM. D:<
“BTW you can call me Albert.” HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes.
L: JUST IN CASE YOU WERE NOT AWARE HOW HE INFORMED THEM. IN CASE YOU MISSED IT.
“What a fucking poser!” Draco shouted angrily as we we to Transfomation. We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard) but I didn’t say anything. “I bet he’s havin a mid-life crisis!” Willow shouted.
K: Mid-life Crisis? Isn’t he like a fuck billion years old?
I was so fucking angry.
K: YOU AND ME BOTH, SISTAH, YOU AND ME BOTH.
L: If it’s a midlife crisis, it came about 100 years too late.
Friday, August 21, 2009
MI Review Chapter 17: No? Then we still have a problem.
Chapter 17.
AN: I sed stup flming da stryo! if ur a prep den dnot red it! u kin tel weder ur a prep or not by ma quiz itz on ma hompage. if ur not den u rok. if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF! pz willo isn’t rely a prep. Raven plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr!
K: Who died and made you Queen of the Goffs? *Snort*
L: My brain died. It’s in a better place now. A place full of proper grammar, and sensible sentences…
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Tom Riddle gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free. He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual). Hargird kept shooting at us to cum back 2 Hogwarts. “WTF Hargrid?” I shouted angrily. “Fuck off you fjucking bastard.” Well anyway Willow came. Hargird went away angrily.
K: FUCK YOU AND YOUR IMPORTANT BUSINESS! I’M DOING MY MAKEUP!
“Hey bitch you look kawaii.” she said.
“Yah but not as kawaii as you.” I answered sadly cause Willow’s really pretty and everything. She was wearing a short black corset-thingy with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black poiny boots that showed off how pale she wuz. She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic.
K: That’s probably ‘cause she’s a zombie. Since you know Hermoine killed her and Lupin fucked her corpse.
L: And apparently, she has EVERYTHING.
“So r u going 2 da concert wif Draco?” she asked.
“Yah.” I said happily.
“I’m gong with Diabolo.” she anserred happily. Well anyway Draco and Diabolo came. They were both loking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2. Diabolo was wearing a black t-shirt that said ‘666’ on it. He was wearing tons off makeup jus like Marylin Manson. Draco was wearing black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from da Warped tower. B’loody Mart was going 2 da concert wif Dracola. Dracola used to be called Navel but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. They dyed in a car crash. Navel converted to Satanism and he went goth. He was in Slitherin now. He was wearing a black Wurped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. We kall him Dracula now. Well anyway we al went 2 Draco’s black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik) that his dad Lucian gave him. We did pot, coke and crak. Draco and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps. We soon got there…….I gapsed.
K: To sum that paragraph up: MORE CHARACTER RAPE, CLOTHING DESCRIPTIONS AND EBONY GASPING.
L: BECAUSE VAMPIRES CAN DIE IN A CAR ACCIDENT, DUH.
And what preps? Not once have you mentioned any preps in that paragraph.
Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice. We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz. Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn’t Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man wif no nose and red eyes... Every1 ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came. It was…….Vlodemort and da Death Deelers!
K: GENTLEMEN.
L: I would have thought the whole not having a nose and having red eyes would have given him away.
“U moronic idiots!” he shooted angstily. “Enoby, I told u to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now……….I shall kill thou and Draco!”
K: Promise not to bleed on my suit and I’ll kill you quickly.
L: I love how Shakespearean Voldie-poo has turned out.
“No no please!” We begged sadly but he took out his knife.
K: I’m going to gut you like a Cornish game hen.
L: What the hell, man. She’s so badass except when it comes to Voldie-poo. >=[
Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed ‘avril lavigne’ on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was…………………………………DUMBLYDORE!
K: Are you sure it’s ain’t Branvard the Black or something? Or Alan Moore?
…Okay, maybe not Alan Moore. I’d cry.
L: OR RASPUTIN!
K: Please, Rasputin has been dead since 1994. Hellboy killed him. Duh.
L: Or Gandalf the Black. That’ one shade he hasn’t done yet.
K: Haha, looks like a Blaxploitation version of Gandalf is at hand!
AN: I sed stup flming da stryo! if ur a prep den dnot red it! u kin tel weder ur a prep or not by ma quiz itz on ma hompage. if ur not den u rok. if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF! pz willo isn’t rely a prep. Raven plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr!
K: Who died and made you Queen of the Goffs? *Snort*
L: My brain died. It’s in a better place now. A place full of proper grammar, and sensible sentences…
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX666XXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Tom Riddle gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free. He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual). Hargird kept shooting at us to cum back 2 Hogwarts. “WTF Hargrid?” I shouted angrily. “Fuck off you fjucking bastard.” Well anyway Willow came. Hargird went away angrily.
K: FUCK YOU AND YOUR IMPORTANT BUSINESS! I’M DOING MY MAKEUP!
“Hey bitch you look kawaii.” she said.
“Yah but not as kawaii as you.” I answered sadly cause Willow’s really pretty and everything. She was wearing a short black corset-thingy with blood red lace on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black poiny boots that showed off how pale she wuz. She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic.
K: That’s probably ‘cause she’s a zombie. Since you know Hermoine killed her and Lupin fucked her corpse.
L: And apparently, she has EVERYTHING.
“So r u going 2 da concert wif Draco?” she asked.
“Yah.” I said happily.
“I’m gong with Diabolo.” she anserred happily. Well anyway Draco and Diabolo came. They were both loking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2. Diabolo was wearing a black t-shirt that said ‘666’ on it. He was wearing tons off makeup jus like Marylin Manson. Draco was wearing black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from da Warped tower. B’loody Mart was going 2 da concert wif Dracola. Dracola used to be called Navel but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. They dyed in a car crash. Navel converted to Satanism and he went goth. He was in Slitherin now. He was wearing a black Wurped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. We kall him Dracula now. Well anyway we al went 2 Draco’s black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik) that his dad Lucian gave him. We did pot, coke and crak. Draco and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps. We soon got there…….I gapsed.
K: To sum that paragraph up: MORE CHARACTER RAPE, CLOTHING DESCRIPTIONS AND EBONY GASPING.
L: BECAUSE VAMPIRES CAN DIE IN A CAR ACCIDENT, DUH.
And what preps? Not once have you mentioned any preps in that paragraph.
Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice. We moshed 2 Helena and sum odder songz. Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn’t Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man wif no nose and red eyes... Every1 ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came. It was…….Vlodemort and da Death Deelers!
K: GENTLEMEN.
L: I would have thought the whole not having a nose and having red eyes would have given him away.
“U moronic idiots!” he shooted angstily. “Enoby, I told u to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now……….I shall kill thou and Draco!”
K: Promise not to bleed on my suit and I’ll kill you quickly.
L: I love how Shakespearean Voldie-poo has turned out.
“No no please!” We begged sadly but he took out his knife.
K: I’m going to gut you like a Cornish game hen.
L: What the hell, man. She’s so badass except when it comes to Voldie-poo. >=[
Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed ‘avril lavigne’ on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was…………………………………DUMBLYDORE!
K: Are you sure it’s ain’t Branvard the Black or something? Or Alan Moore?
…Okay, maybe not Alan Moore. I’d cry.
L: OR RASPUTIN!
K: Please, Rasputin has been dead since 1994. Hellboy killed him. Duh.
L: Or Gandalf the Black. That’ one shade he hasn’t done yet.
K: Haha, looks like a Blaxploitation version of Gandalf is at hand!
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